Alcuin

[whispersoflove]

If there was one thing to be thankful for, when it came to Anael's current circumstances, it was that they had been allowing him to be much more present for Alcuin than he otherwise would have been. He tended to lose track of time in Heaven, immersed in his duties, and did not always realise how much time passed between his earthly visits.

This was obviously no issue, and he had called on Alcuin regularly since Hannibal's death. If nothing else, focusing on the young man was a welcome distraction from his forced stay on Earth, and the demonic brand on his skin. A distraction he embraced wholeheartedly, especially in the presence of someone who did not know of his nature.

Today would be no different, never mind Crowley's revelations. They changed nothing, only gave his magical friends more to work on. So that afternoon, he composed himself, then rang his friend's bell at the time they had agreed upon.

Comments

[alcuin]

For a moment Alcuin thought he might cry again.

"Everything is so complicated," he said softly. "Vampires... fairies... Here I thought I'd finally done something right, falling for a normal boy my own age. I suppose I should have known that nothing could be simple."

[whispersoflove]

And Anael hadn't even got around to explaining his current situation. Alcuin's words hurt more than he would have expected, and he was going to blame that on his state of mind. "I'm sorry I can't be what you'd have liked. I should have told you sooner." He felt terrible for that.

[alcuin]

Alcuin grabbed his hand. "Don't be sorry for what you are. I think I probably knew that there was something very special about you. It's probably why I fell for you in the first place." He brought his hand lightly to Anael's face. "Yet another older man."

[whispersoflove]

Anael shook his head slowly, so as not to dislodge Alcuin's hand. "Not a man."

[alcuin]

"Right... no, I suppose not."

Alcuin looked at him and bit his lip briefly. "And this is why... you don't want to go to bed with me?" It was confusing, because he'd been with him that time with Robin. If it hadn't been for that, he may not even have asked, just assuming that he couldn't</i, for whatever reason.

[whispersoflove]

"No," Anael answered without hesitation. "No, not at all. I... Something's happened. I've been bound here, in this form, on this earth, by a demonic spell. I bear its mark, and..." As always, talking about it made it more difficult to hold the anger and the despair at bay. Having to admit to it. He felt ashamed, and unworthy. Why else would God let this happen, and ignore his prayers? "It hasn't felt right, since. Sex. Even with Coby."

For how little Anael had told Alcuin about himself, it was not the first time he mentioned Coby. He was never shy of mentioning Coby, although this time, given the subject matter, it failed to make him perk up the way it usually did.

[alcuin]

Alcuin had heard him mention Coby before. In passing, same as Alcuin might have mentioned Hannibal, before...

He wasn't quite sure what to say after that story. It wasn't as if he could reassure him.

"I am sorry," he said softly.

[whispersoflove]

"No more than me," Anael told him with a brief smile. "Please believe me, Alcuin. We would be in your bed already if..." He looked angry again, but forced himself to reel that back in. "I'm sorry."

[alcuin]

Alcuin shook his head. "It's not important," he said. It wasn't as if love was about sex. But now he felt like he really needed to process his feelings about Anael anyway.

[whispersoflove]

Anael was quiet for a moment, then asked, "Do you want me to go?" He could feel the turmoil in Alcuin.

[alcuin]

Alcuin started to say no, but then he hesitated.

"It isn't that I want you to go," he said, "but I... I don't know, it might help me to think a bit." And he still found that he wanted to climb onto Anael and kiss him, wanted to find comfort in him... and perhaps, right now, that would not help either one of them.

[whispersoflove]

"Of course," Anael said quickly, and stood, heading for the chair where he'd dropped his jacket. He felt on the brink of... something, and he didn't know what. He was frightened of what it might be, was the plain truth of it. Whatever it was, he didn't want to be around anyone when it happened.

[alcuin]

"Hani - Anael - you don't have to - " Alcuin blurted, alarmed by how quickly he was making a retreat. "Please don't... be upset."

[whispersoflove]

"I'm -" Fine, he'd been about to say, but that was as far from the truth as possible. Having grabbed his jacket, he turned back to Alcuin and gave him a small smile. "I'll be fine. Take the time you need."

[alcuin]

Alcuin rushed to him before he could leave. "Please, I want to see you again soon," he said, and kissed him softly. "And will you let me know if I can help you."

[whispersoflove]

"I will," Anael assured him, although he would be surprised if Alcuin could do anything to help. "Ring me when you've had time to think. I'll come."

[alcuin]

"I will," Alcuin said, feeling a touch guilty now. "I love you."

[whispersoflove]

Anael smiled, although it still looked sad, or pained, or both.But he leaned in to kiss Alcuin, soft and tender, with all of his love. "And I love you," he said quietly, opening his eyes to look into his friend's.

[alcuin]

Alcuin almost told him to stay, but he had an intuition that it wouldn't be good for either of them. So he only smiled at Anael and squeezed his hand.

[whispersoflove]

Anael squeezed back, then released Alcuin's hand and walked out of his home, closing the front door behind himself. He immediately cloaked himself, heedless of anyone on the street who might see him disappear, and took a few steps before taking off, large wings quickly taking him above London.