Alcuin

[whispersoflove]

If there was one thing to be thankful for, when it came to Anael's current circumstances, it was that they had been allowing him to be much more present for Alcuin than he otherwise would have been. He tended to lose track of time in Heaven, immersed in his duties, and did not always realise how much time passed between his earthly visits.

This was obviously no issue, and he had called on Alcuin regularly since Hannibal's death. If nothing else, focusing on the young man was a welcome distraction from his forced stay on Earth, and the demonic brand on his skin. A distraction he embraced wholeheartedly, especially in the presence of someone who did not know of his nature.

Today would be no different, never mind Crowley's revelations. They changed nothing, only gave his magical friends more to work on. So that afternoon, he composed himself, then rang his friend's bell at the time they had agreed upon.

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[alcuin]

When Alcuin opened the door, his face lit up with pleasure just at seeing Hani. It had been months since Hannibal's death, but Alcuin still felt... messed up. Occasionally even self destructive. He'd go to clubs, have anonymous sex with random men and then mostly feel terrible afterwards.

But Hani... he made Alcuin feel like everything might be okay after all. He made Alcuin feel like he was worthy. And Alcuin... he felt like he could love again.

"Come in, Hani," he said brightly, and took his hand.

[whispersoflove]

"Hello," Anael greeted the young man with a smile, happily coming inside. "How are you?"

The question was as serious or light as Alcuin might want to make it. Anael felt the state of Alcuin's heart, and knew that he still had much healing to do. Whatever Alcuin wanted to share with him, at any moment, was up to the young man, and he valued their time together, no matter what it involved.

[alcuin]

"Better now that you're here," Alcuin said, smiling at him, and then leaned in to kiss him softly.

[whispersoflove]

Anael returned the kiss happily, focusing on the swell of Alcuin's emotions. Something stronger than before had built between them, in the last few weeks, since Hannibal's death. It was no surprise to the angel; he had been there for Alcuin in his time of grief, and so it made perfect emotional sense. That the kiss was perhaps more tender than the briefer ones they usually shared perfectly mirrored what he felt from Alcuin, but still Anael did not let it draw out, and ended it with a smile at Alcuin. "How's your day gone?"

[alcuin]

It had not gone unnoticed to Alcuin that Hani had been around more recently. Alcuin had always assumed that he traveled for work, but lately... he saw him a couple of times a week. And when he was with Hani was when he felt best.

"I've nearly finished writing a paper," he said, leading him inside, the couch. "I'm graduating at the end of the semester, you know." This made him sad, in a way, because he knew how proud Hannibal would have been of him. "But I've no idea what I'm doing after. I could be a man of leisure for a bit I suppose."

[whispersoflove]

"Would you be happy with that?" Anael asked curiously, following Alcuin inside and remembering to take his jacket off. Being Earth-bound had certainly been a crash course in certain things, and he had finally developed some more normal reflexes.

[alcuin]

"I... don't know," Alcuin admitted. "I suppose I need to think more about what would make me happy." He had always rather counted on Hannibal to help him figure it out, what he should do next. "Maybe I'll volunteer for a while. I'd like to help people... victims."

[whispersoflove]

Anael smiled, draping his jacket on the back of a chair on his way to the couch. Of course Alcuin would like that. He was such a generous soul. "That sounds like the beginning of a plan. After a holiday, maybe?"

[alcuin]

Alcuin waited for Hani to sit down and then slid onto the couch beside him, close enough that they were touching. "I think so," he said. "I've still been... I mean, I'm still not completely in a good place, but I think I'm getting better."

He put a hand on Hani's arm. "I hope you know that you've been a big part of that. Especially lately, I... I just really appreciate having you in my life. You make me feel like there is more beyond what I've been feeling."

[whispersoflove]

Anael smiled affectionately at Alcuin, and laid a hand on the one on his arm. "Of course there is. I'm glad if I've helped you, Alcuin." Never mind that it had helped him, too, in the process. Focusing on helping Alcuin was a wonderful distraction from the itch between his collarbones.

[alcuin]

Alcuin put his hand over Hani's, and twined their fingers together.

"And you've been so... so sweet, so respectful."

He hadn't known for sure that he would initiate this conversation today. But he just couldn't hold it in anymore.

"But you've made me feel... like I could have something good again." And he lifted their hands to his mouth and kissed Hani's fingers.

[whispersoflove]

"Of course you can," Anael echoed, and squeezed Alcuin's fingers as he lowered their linked hands. "You'll have many good things, Alcuin. You've already healed so much." He only wished that the young man had not had so much to heal from. He hesitated, then brought up something he had not been sure he ought, for months now. "Kersen mentioned that you were involved with a vampire."

[alcuin]

That was not exactly the reaction Alcuin had been expecting, when he thought he'd been confessing something. He was, in fact, at the wee beginnings of a seduction.

So he seemed a bit off balance when he said, "Well - yes, I suppose so. Eric."

[whispersoflove]

"I know it's none of my business," Anael went on, frowning slightly, "but... Kersen seemed somewhat worried. Are you safe with him?"

[alcuin]

Alcuin blinked, looking genuinely surprised.

"He has protected me," he said. "He cares about me."

[whispersoflove]

"All right," Anael smiled at him. "I'm sorry. I'm just... You've enough pain for the time being, I feel."

That Alcuin did not seem to feel too much for the vampire as he thought of him was quelling any fears that Alcuin's heart might not be safe, too, and Anael was glad he had asked.

[alcuin]

"I do... I do feel things for him," Alcuin admitted. "But not - not what I feel for you, Hani." And he brought a hand lightly to the man's face, touching his cheek.

[whispersoflove]

Anael smiled, tilting his cheek into Alcuin's hand. "Yes," he confirmed. "I mean, thank you. I hope you know that I love you as well."

Anael hoped that no matter how long he might be bound here, it would never become difficult to admit such a thing. Loving someone was the most natural, most beautiful thing there was.

[alcuin]

Alcuin smiled, seeming almost relieved by these words.

"I do love you," he said quietly, and then leaned in to kiss him, soft, but lingering, and full of emotion.

[whispersoflove]

Anael's heart soared along with Alcuin's. The moment was perfect, and he kissed him gently, lovingly, fingers brushing Alcuin's face.

[alcuin]

Alcuin kissed him back, with a touch more heat, and then pulled away, slightly breathless. "Let me show you, Hani... come to bed with me." They had never been together alone, just the time that Alcuin had joined him and Robin. And he wanted it so much, felt like he had waited so long.

[whispersoflove]

The feelings that had built between them in the recent past had done so so very independently from any physical intimacy that, somehow, Anael had failed to anticipate that request. His frown was immediate, and he covered Alcuin's hands with his, licking his lips as he thought of how to explain. "I won't, Alcuin." He looked sorry to have to say so, and he was. Sorry and, deeper down, where Alcuin could not see, angry. Angry with his situation, with the brand, with himself. "I'm not - having sex - right now."

[alcuin]

"I - oh..." Alcuin was entirely taken by surprise. He wanted to ask why... or at least, whether it was just him or in general. But he couldn't seem to bring himself to say anything. Though hoped that the disappointment and slight hurt, even, did not show on his face. "Okay."

[whispersoflove]

Whether they showed or not, it was impossible for Anael to ignore the way they coloured Alcuin's heart. "I'm sorry," he said, frowning again, at himself, for the most part. He sighed out, and shook his head. "It's a long story, one I'm not sure you'd welcome." It was so difficult to know how people would react, whether they had faith or not. "But until I can undo something that's been done to me - it doesn't feel right."

His own heart felt tight and painful as he forced himself to say the words, words he'd only told Coby so far. Admitting how much this brand had already twisted things inside of him cost him all the more now that he knew what it stood for, and what its aim likely was.

[alcuin]

Alcuin could tell how upset Hani was, which did not lessen his confusion at all but at least made him feel slightly less rejected.

"You... can talk to me about it," said Alcuin, "if you want to. But you don't have to. I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I just... I can't help how I feel about you."