Robin

[whispersoflove]

Anael walked without aim in the streets of London, not like he usually did, to watch people and enjoy their love, but because he had had to get out of Coby's flat. He would probably go flying later, but for now, he was simply walking, shoulders hunched, that same muted pain in his back, from the wing he had still not healed since that blood-filled night.

The less he thought about it, the better, and yet he could not bring himself to heal his wing. Part of it was being afraid that God would not grant him that miracle, but he knew that it was more than that. He simply didn't want to look at it too closely.

He nearly walked by Robin without noticing him, sitting alone in a pub, at a table by the window. It seemed so odd, Robin being alone in any kind of social setting, that before he knew it, Anael had doubled back to walk into the pub, and headed over to the puck.

"Are you waiting for someone?" he asked, reassured, at least, that he felt no overwhelming heartbreak coming from him.

Comments

[whispersoflove]

Anael instinctively stepped closer to the bed, since that was where Robin had wanted him, but he stopped when he was the only one moving, and simply wrapped his arms around Robin and tried to stop crying. "I'm sorry..."

[goodfellow]

"There's nothing for you to apologize for," Robin said quietly. He led him to the bed then. "Just let me take care of you for a minute, okay?"

[whispersoflove]

Anael curled up on his side on the bed, wings cradled to his body, reluctant to let go of Robin. He really felt as if there were many things he ought to apologise for, but he couldn't think straight just then.

[goodfellow]

Robin had no idea what to do about Anael's wings, so typical aftercare was a bit beyond him. So he only climbed onto the bed beside him and waited.

[whispersoflove]

Anael's fingers were curled in the fabric of Robin's top as he cried, praying for release from this trial. But it was useless; there was no comfort in prayer. All he knew was how much he was failing God.

[goodfellow]

And Robin just let him cry. He had no idea what else to do.

[whispersoflove]

Eventually, Anael ran out of tears. He unclenched his fingers and patted Robin's shirt awkwardly. "I'm sorry. Thank you. For trying." He felt just as miserable as before, if not more, and moved to get off the bed, not looking Robin in the eye.

[goodfellow]

Robin let out a soft sigh. "You're welcome."

[whispersoflove]

Anael nearly said something, but then didn't, and closed his eyes as he disappeared his wings. He shivered, and fought a wave of nausea, at the pain that brought inside of him, and at everything else. He picked up his t-shirt and pulled it back on, making sure it covered the mark, then only reached for his jeans.

[goodfellow]

Robin was still fully clothed, so he simply sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

"I really did think that might help," he finally said.

[whispersoflove]

"It's my fault," Anael stated, pulling on his socks. "I should've known better." He should never have let Robin take this on. It wasn't a burden for the puck to bear. The angel walked over to him, crouched in front of him, a hand on his thigh. "Are you all right?"

[goodfellow]

"Me? I'm fine," said Robin, looking down at him. At least, he mostly was.

[whispersoflove]

Anael opened his mouth to challenge that; he could feel some of Robin's unease. But he remembered what had happened last time he had spoken of what Robin felt but did not want to admit, and instead he said, "I'm sorry. This wasn't... You shouldn't have to bear any of this."

He had been weak, and allowed Robin to get hurt. Of course this had been a bad idea; what had he expected?

[goodfellow]

Robin could tell Anael was feeling even more guilty because of him. Wow, way to have the complete opposite intended effect.

"I confess, it's been a while since I've done something like that and had it not end in sex, but still not feeling particularly burdened," he said.

[whispersoflove]

Anael paused, then drew his hand back. "Okay."

He didn't know what to do, how to make either of them feel better, and being the only one to reach out made him feel even more off balance. So he stood, and moved to put his boots on, ignoring the tears in his eyes and turning his back to Robin so he wouldn't see them.

[goodfellow]

"Anael..." He had to say something.

"I know you felt like you deserved that," he said. "I had hoped that maybe getting it would make you realize... that you don't."

[whispersoflove]

Anael should've realised that, and not taken the puck up on his offer.

"God thinks I do." And then, more quietly, as he stood up from putting his second boot on. "I think I do."

[goodfellow]

"Yes well, we're not always the best judges for ourselves, now are we," Robin said, almost irritable. "There are people who love you, you know."

[whispersoflove]

Anael looked back at Robin, uncharacteristically unsure what to do. "I know," he simply echoed, throat tight, fingers curling loosely at his sides.

[goodfellow]

"You don't have to leave," Robin said. "We could stay here for a while, if you want."

[whispersoflove]

"Are you sure?" he asked, his voice still a little tight. He couldn't do this if it was just for him; it needed to be about Robin, too.

[goodfellow]

"Yes," Robin said simply.

He was going to feel like shit if Anael left like this.

[whispersoflove]

Anael hesitated, then inclined his head. "Okay." He wasn't sure what was okay, though. Robin had barely touched him since hurting him. So he simply came and sat on the bed, a foot or so from him.

[goodfellow]

Robin moved to sit right beside him. "You should undress again."

[whispersoflove]

Anael's hand had come to ghost over his collarbones before he could help it. "I... don't like being naked," he stated, his throat tight again, as he looked up at Robin, praying that he would understand.