Robin

[whispersoflove]

Anael walked without aim in the streets of London, not like he usually did, to watch people and enjoy their love, but because he had had to get out of Coby's flat. He would probably go flying later, but for now, he was simply walking, shoulders hunched, that same muted pain in his back, from the wing he had still not healed since that blood-filled night.

The less he thought about it, the better, and yet he could not bring himself to heal his wing. Part of it was being afraid that God would not grant him that miracle, but he knew that it was more than that. He simply didn't want to look at it too closely.

He nearly walked by Robin without noticing him, sitting alone in a pub, at a table by the window. It seemed so odd, Robin being alone in any kind of social setting, that before he knew it, Anael had doubled back to walk into the pub, and headed over to the puck.

"Are you waiting for someone?" he asked, reassured, at least, that he felt no overwhelming heartbreak coming from him.

Comments

[goodfellow]

Robin moved his hand to Anael's cheek and looked at him evenly. "You say stop, we stop. You're uncomfortable, we stop. You start to feel worse, we stop. And after, I'll take care of you. Do you trust me?"

[whispersoflove]

"Yes," Anael answered, without an instant's doubt, putting a hand over Robin's. "But I don't trust myself." And that was even more dangerous, wasn't it? Less for Anael than for Robin himself. But oh, how he wanted to lose himself in sensations. In Robin.

[goodfellow]

"You let me worry about that," said Robin, and a car pulled up next to them. "Come on," he said, and opened the back door for him.

[whispersoflove]

Anael hesitated for a moment, and then climbed into the cab, turning towards Robin the moment they were both inside. He waited until he'd confirmed the address of arrival, then said, "I don't know what I'm doing, Robin." It was an uncharacteristic admission, from him, but he could not have kept it quiet.

[goodfellow]

"Yes," Robin said, because he'd gotten that much. "But now you don't have to know, because I'm going to be doing it for you." He closed the door and gave the driver the address of the club.

[whispersoflove]

Anael leaned back in the seat, and despite himself, prayed to God. What he was about to do, he would do for Them.

[goodfellow]

Robin couldn't deny that he was a bit conflicted. His intuition had told him this was what the angel needed, but he could be wrong. It could gloriously backfire on him. He could break him.

He'd just have to be careful not to do that. And to keep his promise to make it sexual only if Anael wanted that.

He decided to give him this time to think, so he said nothing during the drive. When they arrived, he paid the driver and then pulled Anael out of the car to bring him inside.

[whispersoflove]

Anael followed, a step behind Robin, not sure what to expect from the state of the club. Not sure what to expect from Robin, or from himself.

[goodfellow]

"I want you to think now if there are kinds of pain you don't want," Robin said. "Or buttons I shouldn't push. You can stop me at any time, but I'd prefer not to start in on something if it's going to upset you."

He led them through the club, which was not in terrible shape, mostly holes in walls an scorch marks on the floors. They went back towards his office, though the room behind it was a bedroom.

[whispersoflove]

Anael was silent while they walked, feeling as if ants were walking over his skin. They seemed, unsurprisingly, to be focusing on the spot between his collar bones.

"I want to hurt," he told Robin, once they had stopped. "My wings. That's how you can get me to hurt. One of them is hurt already, but that's okay." Only once he had said so did he bring them out, the left one sporting an obvious, ugly bite mark. "I deserve to be punished, Robin," he added, with tears in his voice.

[goodfellow]

Suddenly Robin realized that Anael was right. This was going to hurt him, too.

But he'd do it anyway.

"Give me a safe word, Anael," he said softly.

[whispersoflove]

"I'll tell you to stop, if I need to," Anael told him, his voice still teary. "No games." Stop would mean stop.

[goodfellow]

Robin hesitated. It was his voice. The tears.

"I'll ask once more," he said. "Are you sure?

[whispersoflove]

"No," Anael answered, and wanted to curl up against Robin and cry. But it was Robin. If anyone would hurt less from hurting him than from him hurting, it would be him. Anael could not push him into what he did not want, the way he had until now. One more reason for him to hurt. "But I want it," he added, shifting his injured wing for the pain to lance up.

[goodfellow]

"Take off your clothes," Robin said evenly.

[whispersoflove]

Anael took in a deep breath, and disappeared his wings long enough to easily get rid of his t-shirt. Then they came back, and he could feel his cheeks burning from the exposure of the brand between his collarbones. "Don't touch me here," he told Robin, his hand hovering over the sigil. He felt dirty, tainted and soiled. Ugly. He crouched to take care of his boots and socks. Then his jeans, and he was finally standing naked in front of Robin. Looking pained, already, his shoulders still hunched. Worse than that, looking defeated.

[goodfellow]

"Straighten up," Robin said sharply, and then slapped him across the face.

He was testing the waters.

[whispersoflove]

Anael let his face turn with the slap, on purpose. He could feel the sting, but it did not register as pain, just as sensations. He looked Robin in the eye, then straightened his shoulders. Every breath felt painful.

[goodfellow]

Robin met his eyes, but then slowly walked around behind him.

He reached out and grasped Anael's injured wing.

[whispersoflove]

The pain was so sharp and immediate that it made Anael's knees want to buckle. He managed to stop them at the last second, straightening up through the sharp hot white pain of it, huffing out a strained breath.

[goodfellow]

Robin dug a finger into the wound.

"You deserve this," he said quietly. "Don't you?"

[whispersoflove]

Anael's breath hitched, even as he fought to remain straight against the pain. "Yes," he admitted in a whisper.

[goodfellow]

Robin moved closer to him, slid his hand down the wing, digging nails in lower.

"Tell me why."

[whispersoflove]

Anael looked pained, for more than one reason. He wanted, desperately, for something to brace himself against, but the nearest piece of furniture was too far away. "Because I'm not worthy of God," he answered in a whisper, every word like a knell for his soul.

[goodfellow]

It took a great deal of willpower for Robin to not stop right then and tell Anael what an idiot he was being. But he knew that wasn't going to help him.

"Tell me why," he said instead, and dug the nails of his other hand into his other wing as he moved closer behind them so that he was speaking close to his ear.